My Life Cycle

Thursday, July 1, 2010 4:55 PM

In the life, there are happy, sad, exciting, nervous, angry and frightening moments. When you're happy, you share with your friends and make them happy too. But when you're sad, you felt being alone and there's no one you can speak to. Even there is, it would depend what type the person is and who the person is. When being sad, you felt like telling people and hope they can make you feel better. But you dont feel like talking to the person, scared of the person had a bad impression of you. No one to talk to, make you feel more hurt. Keeping inside the heart, all those sad things getting more and more heartbroken. Cry inside the heart, lock yourself in the room and cry out loud. Perhaps, talking to non-living things would be a better idea then getting more and more sad. Telling yourself, dont be such a BABY. everytime was cry cry cry. Feeling sad without anyone to share to, only the toys in the room. they keep it a secret, no one knows except you and the toys, you can hug it no matter when, you can find it always with you, they are always there to make you feel better. Are toys better than human? But this aint the right thing.. Talking in the blog seems better than talking in msn or either facebook. Sometimes, i really did feel alone, and very lonely. When talking to people, some doesnt reply me. Even though i keep talking, no one seems to hear it. They just talk to other people or the people beside them. Sometimes, i really did feel myself as transparent. I tell myself not to think that way and be positive. But i couldnt. I dont know whyy.. perhaps, thats me..Wanted to keep changing. Dont want to keep crying on. Although, i made some changes already, sometimes, i really did feel like crying. I tell myself not to cry, because i dont want to be seen crying. Crying inside the heart is more painful than anything. Next was exciting moments. You felt excited maybe due to some events or occasion. Example, you are getting a prize sooner or later. OR you are waiting for the reply whether you can go to a certain place. OR your birthday is coming and you're excited about what is going to happen. Saying about birthday, i have always seen sisters having friends to help them celebrate. But i never once had this. Birthday is coming, wondering whether there is any surprise. Often, it is family who celebrate my birthday. OR, they help me make a birthday party so i can invite them. But i never once had a birthday with my friends, going out, having fun. This is what i wanted.. A nice and memorable birthday. Would it happen? or will they just forget? or maybe when i grow up and i will have this chance? Remembering about primary school, NOW, we seems lost contact. even when we see each other, we just smile and say hello. It doesnt seems right. last time, being very good friends, being very close. Yet now, only a smile and a hello. and just pass by each other. A few days ago, i think on tuesday, i was waiting for xiuhui, bryan and xiuhui's bro to buy bread. and i saw this familiar people walking pass me. Well, last time, she did was my enemy. But now, and i still treating her as enemy? Still remember the time in sec 1. Having lots of fun with xiuhui and zhihui. But there was lot of quarreling and keep being angry of each other. Today, i felt that i was so stupid of being angry over such small stuffs. Wanted to apologise but could not get the courage to do so. Is that me? Always having no courage, always being so shy, always dont dare to talk to people? i dont understand lots of things.. i dont understand what is the life i wanted. I have always being feeling that life is boring, sad and sometimes, meaningless. How do i make like gets better? Can things change? Next was the "nervous" moment. Nervous moment can happen when you are going to talk in front of the whole school or the class. Just like last time, having a public speaking with zhihui. All those memories, was so nice, but now, we didnt seem close. thinking about what we said last time. i think there was a part like this: Next time, when we grow up, we get a same job and we work together. But, i think this would not happen.. Next was angry moments. Angry moments did happen lot of times. When being angry, i was really super angry. But after being angry, i felt really sad. Thinking why am i always angry over small stuffs. Blaming myself for being like tht. Maybe things are just like tht. A few days ago, was angry with my sister for such a small thing. went back home and did homework, was super pissed off and frustrated. feel like sharing with people but do not dare. Because, if you tell them you get angry because of such a "SMALL" stuff, they will think that you are petty. because you do not want things to happen in this way, you can only just relieve the angry by yourself. Always by yourself. Frightening moments are perhaps moments when you go theme park and you play the roller coaster and is very scary. Or maybe when something bad is happen and you are scared. thinking about what i have being typing. It was mostly all being alone. When you're sad, you're alone. When you're angry, you're alone. But when you're happy, you're sometimes alone yet sometimes not alone. Should this "being alone" keep happening? would there be any changes to it? well, this paragraph seems abit stupid to say. But this is what i want to say and it is true. Typing out what im thinking right now would be a better way of relieving.. BECAUSE, at here, is not as much people as in msn or facebook. Not alot of people will read this post. maybe only one or two. So, maybe, this would be a better place for me not to be sad. or maybe the better place is the room where the toys are. Always with youu. especially those toys that have a smile face on them...